I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
