How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I met the friendliest cop last night
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
