i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
