so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
