Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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