He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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