So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I want is dick and wine.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
