I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize