good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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