I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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