i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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