The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
