i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
