My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
