to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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