I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
