Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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