So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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