Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
