Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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