We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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