there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize