know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
