you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
