you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize