Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
