We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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