You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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