this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
