I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
