dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
