I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
