She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
