We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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