If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
