just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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