he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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