oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
