i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
