There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
