i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
