um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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