I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
