Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
