My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
