i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
