Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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