That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
