Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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