my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize