You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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