im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Welp...herpes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
