This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
