Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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