So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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