I hope mine doesn't look like that
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
