are you so shy because you have an std?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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