I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
