I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
