Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
nutella sex= disaster
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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