Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
