i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to make out with him forever
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize