Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
