my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
