SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
