she was so not down for the gang bang
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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