I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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