I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
