I wish my penis had an off switch
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
