i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
