Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
