My sheets look like a crime scene.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
