I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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