That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
