you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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