I am puke
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
