Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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