She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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