You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
