On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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