with your own penis?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
