so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
