New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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