We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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