YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
