if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
