When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
