He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I want is dick and wine.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
