wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
