It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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