Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
