Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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