i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The police scanner is talking about you again....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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