mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
