and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
