I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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