I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
