Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I supernannyed him into submission
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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