Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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