Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Terrible idea I love it
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