Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize