Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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